Yesterday, when I was writing about the testimony of my wedding ring…God was giving me this picture of marriage being like a diamond ring. In order for a diamond to become a diamond, it has to be pressured and for gold to become gold, it has to go through the fire.
Two years ago, it was as if from the moment we exchanged our rings +”I do’s” we started feeling the pressure and fire in our relationship. Many people kept saying, “The first year is always the hardest.” Maybe for some it isn’t, but the majority would agree with what others were telling us. I thought to myself…
I am ready for this commitment.
It won’t be hard…I am close with Jesus.
God prepared me in my single season to be married.
I read every book, googled blogs, and listed to every sermon on love/relationships/marriage.
I’ve got this.
What could be so bad about the first year?
The first year was hard because Nick and I have never lived with the opposite sex. It is quite the adjustment. We waited to live with each other until we were married. I learned something in the beginning when I felt all that pressure and fire that marriage is like a mirror. There were things that appeared in our marriage that I never saw when dating. We argued so much. We were almost enemies in that first year.
This concept of marriage being a mirror rings true to me. It reveals + exposes how you look. Have you ever looked in a mirror and haven’t liked what you see? I know I have right when I wake up in the morning I have some major bed head or you notice you have food in your teeth after a long conversation with someone lol. But, aren’t you thankful for that mirror for showing you what you look like? Our spouses are a mirror to help us see what we look like and to become who we really are. When they point that not so lovely stuff out you can do one of two things: you can immediately get offended, fight back, and point our all their flaws/weaknesses or you can remember your spouse isn’t your enemy but your teammate, and you can embrace the opportunity to change for the better of your marriage.
God said, “I will bring them through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold.” (Zech. 13:9a)
He also said TWO are better than one. You are your spouse’s helpmate. Don’t forget that. If you see something about your spouse that could use change, pray about how to speak to them IN LOVE about it. Don’t put them down about it. The worst thing you can do is yell, get angry, and wind up in a fight.
Here are some tips:
- Ask + Pray to God to speak through you as He would speak to your spouse.
- Make sure the time is right. *NOT after a long busy day*
- If you feel it is a good time to talk. First, ask them if it is a good time to talk about what God has put on your heart. Just to be on the safe side.
- Tell them what you see, but also call out + address their strengths as well.
- Meet with godly couples together that can pour into your marriage.
- Be patient and gracious. Changes do NOT happen overnight. Be their biggest encouragement through this (ex: positive affirmations, quality time, write/text them an uplifting note with a verse or positive sayings.
- Pray with them!
- If you’re not sure what to do, ask a mentor or someone you trust!
Take heart! Marriage isn’t easy but God is on your side. Even though the pressure, fire, and the refining business isn’t fun…God has a purpose in it. See the bigger picture. When the testing comes like this in your marriage it is an invitation to grow and become closer in your relationship with each other + God.
REMEMBER: GOD IS ABLE. DON’T GIVE UP. HE IS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. HE IS THE BEST COUNSELOR. TRUST HIM!